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September 22 The Autumn Patio
Where the tinkle of wind chimes play a soft melody in the afternoon breeze.
Where the table umbrella stands tilted, thrown off balance by last night’s storm.
Where the damp fallen leaves form a multicolor carpet over the cement.
Where five acorns still cling to a tree stripped of leaves,
Where the sparrow’s chirping is answered by the squirrel’s chatter.
Where a garden hose is coiled on the air conditioner like a snake ready to strike.
Where a few determined marigolds stand in a flower bed already sleeping for the winter.
Where a tall wooden fence blocks the prying eyes of the curious
lcpickles
September 21 This is for Bobby I guess I must have met Bobby about 30 years ago. He was actually a friend of Trucker Mans. He was a stange one even then. He was about 18 and he lived in a house all by himself. His dad had died and his mother was in a mental institution. She was locked up when she went off the deep end and went after Bobby with a knife when he was 17. So he lived there all alone. Or at least until he was about 23. His mother's medical bills became so great that his uncle sold the house to pay them.
When Trucker Man went into the sevice Bobby and I were both kind of lost without him so for a few years Bobby was like an adopted brother. At that time he had a girlfriend named Kathy. It seems he was with her for a couple of years, and eventually she got pregnant. But Bobby didn't want to get married so Kathy left. She was the only girlfriend he ever had.
I move away and I ived way from here for many years. Even though my brother remained close to Bobby, I lost all contact with him. About 6 years ago I moved back here and I saw Bobby again. I was so shocked. I have never personally known a homeless person. But Bobby had become a street person. Bobby whose mother had severe mental problems had apparently inherited them. I believe he was a paranoid schiziophrenic. He thought everyone was out to get him. He couldn't hold a job and just worked temporary jobs for a day or two so he could get cigarette money. He ate at soup kitchens and slept under a bridge or at a shelter if the weather was bad. His appearence was shocking too. At 53 years old, Bobby looked like a man at least 75. He probably stood about 5'10" and weighed about 115 pounds. My brother tried on many occasions to get Bobby to go for some kind of help. But he wouldn't go, he didn't think there was a thing wrong with him. Beside everyone one was out to get him.
About 7 months ago, Bobby's mother died. He insisted he didn't want to go to the funeral but Trucker Man practically forced him to go. Said everyone needs closure. Well, Bobby's daughter was at the funeral. A 34 year old daughter that he had never met. And he discovered that he was a grandfather to a 3 and a 6 year old. His daugher wanted to get to know him and gave him her phone number. But Bobby refused to call. He said she must want something from him and he had nothing to give. A small chance for a little love and warmth in his life and he throws it away.
One of the times I remember most about Bobby was when Trucker Man was gone. I was married to the Jar Head then.....oh so many moons ago. The Jar Head worked second shift. He had only been gone a couple of hours to work one day when my beautiful German Shepard became very ill. At first I thought she would be okay but her beathing became more and more labored. I called Jar Head at work and had him come home and we took her to the vet. The vet thought it was just some type of virus and gave her some medication. We took her back home and the Jar Head went back to work. A couple of hours later she went into convulsions. Jar Head couldn't come home again so I called Bobby. He was there in 15 mins. But it was too late, Lady was dead. I will never forget how he comforted me. And how he helped me wrap her up and move her. I don't know what I would have done without Bobby that night. He was a true little brother.
Last week Bobby colapsed on one of his little temporary jobs. When he did, his head hit hard against a cement floor. He had a massive heart attack and severe brain damage from the fall it caused. He was rushed to the hospital. His daughter was there every day. And her mother came to give support to her daughter. But Bobby never woke up. Today his daughter with the help of my brother, her aunt and her mother made the decision to take her father off the respirator. He lived less than two hours after that.
Bobby had such a sad, useless life. But these were the choices he made. I don't think that there was anything anyone could have done or said to change any of it. I wish things could have been different for Bobby. I wish that he could have found love and even a little degree of happiness in this life. But Bobby gave up years ago.
I am writing this because I don't want his life to go unnoticed. He wasn't a bad person and he had a good heart. And even though they were his choices, I am sorry Bobby had the life he did. Where ever you are now, Bobby, I hope that you have found peace and happiness. September 10 Alter EgoWell, I guess I have been here long enough that I should introduce you to my alter ego. Her name is Layla. Now an alter ego is a really good thing. She can be blamed for doing things you don't usually do. And she does outrageous things that you would never dream of doing. Okay, maybe you would "dream" of doing. So with that said allow me to present Layla.......
Layla
Believes beauty is natural She hardly ever wears make up or goes to have her hair done She like the feel of grass between her toes
Layla has doubts about the story of Adam and Eve Once she was sure a spell had been cast on her, she chanted in the light of one blue and two white candles to ward off evil She has thoughts of becoming a witch
Layla adores toddles with curly hair and devilment in their eyes …..as long as they belong to someone else She fears all her creativity would shivel up and die if she spent eight hours a day chained to a time clock
Layla never learned to cook She has no desire to meet Betty Crocker or hang out with Susie Homemaker Sometimes she'll order a margarita after I tell people I never drink
I wanted to go to the Dollar Store but Layla took the wheel and I ended up in Erie Pennsylvania She drives 80 miles an hour with Aerosmith vibrating the windows
Layla became a gear-jamming, double clutching, 18 wheel driving mama She wanted to see the entire USA That didn’t last long All she saw was flashing white lines as the countryside blurred by
She feels Eric Clapton wrote the song Layla just for her She especially likes the part, “You got me on my knees I’m beggin’ darling please” Layla likes to wear leather and 3 inch heels Slaves, dressed in very little, wait at her feet to satisfy her every need Fearing and longing for the sting of her silver handled rawhide whip
Layla drives a red 1966 GTX 440 She loves to feel the powerful engine rumble beneath her She couldn’t resist when challenged to drag race on east Exchange Street She had the lead when the red lights began flashing behind her She asked, why didn’t you pull them over too, Then left me to deal with the situation
lcpickles
September 09 First of the MonthIt is always so busy the first week of the month where I work. And the holiday although great only prolonged it. Well it is winding down now so I will be posting more. I am glad it is over for another month. Thank all of you that stopped by and left comments for me. I will be out visiting spaces again soon and catching up on what my space friends have been up to.
September 03 Quote
Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil. For what is evil but good tortured by it’s own hunger and thirst? Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts, it drinks even of dead waters.
From “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran
August 31 Yellow Rubber BootsSometimes a poem hits you in the most unexpected places. I found this little hiku right here in my neighborhood.
Yellow Rubber Boots
It was about one in the morning when I turned into the driveway. My headlights captured her for a few seconds. As I drove by I had to do a second take. She was quite disarming. An attractive dishwater blond in her late twenties dressed in a flower print night gown. To complete her ensemble she wore yellow rubber boots and gardening gloves. She was pulling weeds from her flower garden almost violently. It seemed to me each weed represented an unwanted aspect being plucked from her life.
eccentric neighbor vents anger weeding garden in late night darkness
August 30 Dolls Thru The Ages
Age ?? Kewpie doll, with painted eyes Mass produced squeak toy Protector of toddler fears Time crumbled her into pieces
Age 5 Her name was Joann Jones Porcelain head with moving eyes Mikey tossed her off the fire escape Doll murdering monster brother
Age 7 Cinderella came at Christmas High heels and fairy tale dress She adorned my bed for several years The prince never once visited
Age 9 Betsy Wetsy, as she was advertised Almost real, a life like baby doll Feed her a bottle, she wet everywhere I soon grew tired of changing diapers
Age 11 Introducing Shirley Temple Dimpled cheeks and sausage curls Tiny movie star of another time Tapped danced on my dresser
Age 13 Dolls no longer of interest To someone so mature Nylons and teetering heels Black lined eyes and glossy lips
Age 18 Gave birth to my real live baby doll Jerry Michael cautiously arrives Rosy cheeked, always smiling cherub We will grow up together
Age 21 Gave birth to my last baby doll Steven Wayne bursts into the world Temperamental, heart squeezing charmer Still I soon grew tired of changing diapers
lcpickles
August 29 Chinese Proverb"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it." August 28 Date From HellI said my next blog entry would be regarding a date nightmare. Connie wrote of a date nightmare on her blog,"I Love Dolphins". Now I will share one with her and you.
Years ago I one had a friend, Dee. We had worked together a long time before and then I moved away. When I moved back I ran into Dee and we started hanging out together once in a while. In retrospect I wondered why I even became friends with her. I guess I felt sorry for her. She had a very low paying job, no car and seemed to be very down most of the time.
Anyway I had Dee over to my place for dinner every couple of weeks. I like to cook and Dee always seemed to appreciate it so much. Anyway on one of the nights she was to come over for dinner, she called and asked if she could bring a friend that was staying at her place for a few days. She said he had come down for a big construction job at the military base close by. And he was staying with her until he got his own place. I asked if this was her boyfriend, she said no nothing like that, just a friend.
So she brought Curt over to my house for dinner. I felt immediately attracted to him. He was about 6'3" and powerfully built with killer blue eyes and dark wavy hair. He was handsome, not pretty boy handsome but rugged biker handsome. Well, he was a biker although he hadn't brought his bike with him. He had come down with two of his buddies for the constrution job. He said he was from Baltimore, Maryland. It cracked me up that he carried a picture of himself and his bike. There was something about him, that had a raw feel, something a little dangerous. After dinner when they said they were going to play pool and invited me, I went. I went even though I don't know how to play pool and never went to bars. At the end of the evening as we were ready to go, he asked for my phone number and kissed me good-night.
He called me the next day and wanted to know if we could hang out for a while that afternoon. I picked him up at Dee's. It was Saturday, we went to the mall and the park. Now I was a struggling single woman. I worked in a doctors office. I did have a fairly nice apartment, two bedroom, central air and dishwasher and I had a 10 year old Plymouth. The car was in pretty good condition but when he asked the last time I had the oil changed, I couldn't even remember. He gave me a lecture about how important it was to a car to have the oil changed regularly.So one of the things we did that day was get the oil changed. Another thing that I had to do was stop by another friend's house. She was out of state visiting her family and had asked that I feed her 3 dogs, a Siberian Husky and 2 dachshunds. Curt waited in the car while I ran in and fed the dogs.
We were at my place when JoAnn called and wanted to know how her dogs were doing. I told her they were fine. She asked if I had been spending much time over there. She had requested when I had a little extra time to spend it at her house so the dogs wouldn't get too lonely. I had been spending a couple of evenings and maybe a week-end afternoon there. I told her that I hadn't spent much time lately. She asked if I would go over soon. I told her that I would later that evening. I then told her about Curt and she said it would be fine if he was there too. So we went over and watched a movie and played with the dogs. One of the dashshunds was just a puppy and Curt just fell in love with it.
As we were leaving Curt asked to see me the next day. I told him that I had to go to work. In addition to my regular job I had a little part time job that I did whenever I was needed and I had promised them that I would go in the next day. I told Curt that I would have lunch with him before I went. The next day we had lunch and then stopped by to feed the dogs. When he asked to see me after I got off work, I told him it would be fairly late and we both had to get up early to go to work. I was beginning to feel like I was in a whirlwind and needed some space. I told him that after work I would stop and check on the dogs and then go home and straight to bed.
When I got to Joann's house that night, he was sitting on the front steps waiting for me. He said, "I can't help it I just needed to see you for a little while." He was so cute and when he kissed me, I melted and couldn't think right. We went in, but I told him I had to call my brother in Louisville. He had left a message on my machine to make sure to call him back tonight. So I called "The Garbage Man" (see list of characters). While he and I were talking, Curt made me a cola with ice. When I was done on the phone, I went and sat on the couch with Curt and we cuddled and kissed. I layed my head against his shoulder.
I woke up on the couch all alone and the door was ajar. I looked at the clock, it was 3:30 in the morning!! I called out to Curt, no answer. I went to the door to close it and noticed my car was not in the driveway. At first I was pissed. How dare he borrow my car and not even ask. Just wait until he gets back, I am going to tell him a thing or two. It took awhile for it to sink in. He wasn't coming back and he had taken JoAnn's puppy with him!! My purse was gone too! I called the police. A patrolman came out and took a report. When morning arrived I called off work and as much as I dreaded it, I called JoAnn. She asked that I wait at the house and she would have he ex-husband come over and check on things. I did and he went through the house. Curt had stolen all her CDs, $800 in cash that I didn't even know was there. And he had taken some valuable jewelry. I felt like a piece of shit. This was all my fault.
I called Dee and she got all pissy with me. Told me it was what I deserved because I had stolen him from her. I felt dazed. I said, "But you said he wasn't your boyfriend, just a friend." She said, "Well, maybe he could have been my boyfriend if you hadn't come along." I told her you never told me you were interested in him that way. She said I should have just known. Well, excuse me that I am not a #$%# mind reader. All I wanted to know was where the hell her friend was now. She then confessed she had only known him a week, had met him at some bar and grill and when he told her how crowded it was where he was staying with his friends, she offered him her couch. I asked her why she hadn't told me this before and she said she knew I would yell at her for it.
So then the detective came to interview me. Cross examine is more like it; they were looking at me as an accomplice. Me!!!! I have never had so much as a traffic ticket!! I have to tell you I have looked at cops in a different light ever since this happened. I turned to them for help. I said he used this glass, his fingerprints have to be on it. They said why should we bother, you let him in here. I told them that he had said he was from Maryland and that they could send out some type of bulletin or something. They told me I had been watching too much tv. The dectective had also interviewed Dee and he too seemed to feel I was getting what I deserved. I couldn't get past that I was being treated as a common crimminal. When I tried to remind him that my car was stolen too, he said I could be meeting him somewhere later. I really got pissed and said, " I have not done anything wrong here, my only crime is one of stupidity. And there is no law against that, if there were, nine tenths of the United States would be locked up."
I called the police station every day for 2 weeks, nothing. JoAnn came home and found the damnest thing. She had a little tape recorder that she had used to take notes in a class she was in. This guy had turned the recorder on and recorded everything. Some other guys had come into the house and you could hear them talking. At one point one of them asked Curt about me, Curt said what he gave me would keep me under for awhile. And there was this noise I couldn't figure out what it was. Another friend of hers, said that was the sound of a razor blade or something sharp against glass. His guess was they were snorting something. That was one of the strangest things about this whole episode. Why did he turn that recorder on? He turned it on when I was talking to my brother and it was still running when he went out the door.
This inicident had so many repercussions in my life. I lost two friends. Dee was really not much of a loss. But JoAnn even though she tried couldn't get past it. I guess I really don't blame her. I lost confidence in my own judgement. My brother, The Garbage Man convinced me that I shouldn't be living so far away from all my family. Two months after this happened I let him come down to NC and move me to Louisville so I could live near him. One of the worst decisions of my life. My car was found a month after it was stolen in a store parking lot in Baltimore, Maryland. No one bothered to contact me and it was 3 months before I found out. The car had been wrecked and was in a storage place. In order to get the car back I would have to go to Baltimore and pay for 2 months storage. They didn't even know if the car still ran. I never went to get it. I know things could have been much worse. I could have be raped or killed or worse. So I was lucky in that regard.
This all happened long ago and for the longest time I didn't go out on any dates. It took years before I could trust anyone. I have never gotten over the way the cops treated me. To this day I still don't have faith in them. I learned a lot of lessons from this experience. But I believe the most valuable one was don't ever make a large life decision after any sort of tragedy happens to you. And never again did I let loneliness or lust blur my judgement that way. And this cured any type of fascination I had for bad boys, BIG TIME!!
August 26 Regarding QuestionsI would like to thank each and every one of you for taking a moment to comment on my poem. It is rather different, I am glad it was so well liked. And Mr Hedgehog I will answer your question about the German. A while back I went to a poetry work shop and one of the things this professor kept repeating over and over was don't just say my friend or my sister.....give people the dignity of their name. Don't just say my brother, say James. The German was my ex-husband whose dastardly actions completely devastated me then. I may at some future time elaborate on that.
And to Connie, my next blog entry will be about my worst date nightmare as you requested.
Electric August 25 QuestionsOf the poetry I have written, this is one of my favorites. Let me know what you think.
Questions
What is your permanent address? No place is permanent Some places just hold us longer than others North Carolina’s balmy beaches held me much longer than the frigid coast lines of New England The song of the sea calls to me
How old are you? I believe I am a relatively young soul This being my fifth or sixth cycle Struggling to find the wisdom to ascend Until I have the final piece of the puzzle
Are you married? Yes, finally it is real After the actors and imposters brought the theater to a close The star at long last arrived
What is your greatest accomplishment? I did not go insane When I was thrown naked into the pit Lost I roamed the under belly of the earth Eventually I made the darkness my friend
Describe a crucial event in you life Two months before my fortieth birthday The word stopped rotating on its axis The sun dimmed and fell from the sky Oxygen must have left the earth for I could no longer breath
What are your future plans? To slay the red dragon that burns me with pain and destruction To once again feel the warm sands of Waikiki between my toes To sweep away the last traces of the German, who does not deserve the dignity of his name To teach the trees to tango at midnight
o lcpickles
August 24 Good NewsI have wrote so much about my brother and his fight with cancer. It's been a hell of a trip and I know it is still not over by a long shot. He hasn't even had his first scan after treatment to see how well the chemo and radation did in taking care of the tumor. One of the first things that happened is he started seeing everything double. The tumor is located behind his left eye and as it got bigger it pushed against the eye so hard that it affected his vision and the muscle around the eye. At one point he couldn't open his eye unless he did it with his fingers. About 3 weeks in to treatment the tumor had shrunk enough that he could open his eye without his fingers, but still the double vison continued. It is now 3 weeks after his last treatment. The end of last week he started having days when his vision would be okay for a while. It would come and go, sometimes lasting for up to 4 hours. Well now it has been 3 straight days that is vision is normal. I am SO thankful. It is truly a mircle. The specialist all thought he had lost the use of that eye permanently. Thank God and everyone that said all those prayers for him. I am daring to hope that everything is going to be alright. August 24Who would have thought??
WATER OR COLA? 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is August 19 Chasing SquirrelsMy grandfather was a bear of a man with thick silver hair, snow on top of a mountain. He would take my brother, Michael and me for long walks in the woods. When we crossed the field, he would always remind us the field wasp has a nasty sting. Along side the trail there was a cast off wagon wheel decayed by time. I would imagine that Indians had once ambushed a covered wagon and this wheel had been lost during the chase.
The path crawled up the hill like a snake. When we finally reached the top there was a spring. A dipper hung from a nail in a tree. Looking into the spring you could see every stone and leaf on the bottom. Crawfish scurried for cover when our shadows passed over them. Grandpa told us that is how you could tell if the water was pure. If the water wasn’t pure, the crawfish couldn’t live there. You couldn’t drink that water too fast or your head would hurt. It was liquid ice.
Sometimes a squirrel darted in front of us. Grandpa sent us off to catch it. We ran after it until it dashed up a tree. He laughed at our amazement that we didn’t catch it. His laughter boomed through the hills as he slapped his thigh. We thought if he said so we should be able to. The trip back was sometimes too much for little legs. He hoisted us up onto those broad shoulders and we rode home.
Henry Worthhart, a father with no time or patience for thirteen children, had hours on end of both for these two grandchildren. He spent hours on end with us. After 40 years at Goodrich, he retired to eighty-eight acres in southern Ohio. Retired? He worked his land and hired out part time as field hand to neighbors. He came home tired in the evening. After supper he would sit in his big rocker and listen to his radio programs. I would sit on his lap. Or sometimes I pulled up the piano bench behind him, stand on it and brush his hair. I liked to do that because he enjoyed it so and it made me feel important. On occasion an opera singer would come on the radio. My grandfather did not like that type of music and he would always say, “Give her a corn cob.” I always wondered why he wanted to give her a corn cob and what she was supposed to do with it.
He dug a pit to make a new outhouse. Then muscles straining as if he were Hercules, he lifted a huge concrete slap and put it in place to make the floor. He didn’t seem to realize he was getting older and he should have had help. It was just too much for him. The next day my brother and I were surprised to find him still asleep went we awoke. This had never happened. We jumped on the bed and did our best to wake him. But he was never to awaken again. He was only in my life for six years, but what an impression he made on me.
The Moving FingerThe moving Finger writes; and having writ Moves on; nor all your Piety nor whit Shall lure it back to cancel half a line Nor all your tears wash out a Word of it
From “The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam”
August 18 ClaificationIt's kind of late and I really hadn't intended to make an entry. But I feel I must clarify something. The little story I posted about how old do you look, that was something in an e-mail I was sent, kind of a joke. I thought it amusing so I posted it. It did not really happen to me. Guess I should have made that clearer. I think if something like that really happened to me I probably wouldn't tel it, I'd be too embarressed. August 17 Time for MeI am at home this evening, that hasn't happened much lately. I have spent a lot of time with my brother since he was diagnosed with cancer. It has really been a rough two months. But you know he seems to be getting better. He is feeling better and he told me that he now has several hours of clear vision a day. That is so great. There for a while the doctors were afraid he would lose the sight in that eye. The tumor behind it was pretty big and when he could see, he had double visrion. In a couple more weeks they will do a scan and we will see how well the treatments have done. I am so thankful he is feeling better.
Maybe now that he is feeling a little bit better I can find a few min for myself. I feel weary to my bones. I have this need to take care or everyone. Everyone but myself it seems. I haven't been getting enough sleep or eating well. And I can't remember the last time I took a long relaxing bubble bath. It's been quick showers. I started this blog and I haven't really had much time to write in it. I vote for more ME time!!!
You know a couple of Marines from our area were killed recently. I was amazed at the the people that came for the memorial. Some people from far away that didn't even know them. Local people put little flags all around their yards as a tribute. It was a wonderful thing to see. You know, it caused my mind to go back many years to when my then husband and brother were in VietNam. It was a whole different story. Our soldiers were not treated well. That was so sad. It makes no difference in whether you believe in the war or not, you should always respect the people that are fighting for our country. But I looked at those little flags and I thought, maybe America has learned after all and I was proud. August 16 How Old Do You Think You LookHave you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old?" I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new Dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm,...or could he??? After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan High School. "Yes, Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "in 1970. Why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?” Now this cracked me up but it really made me think. Do any of us look as young as we think we do. I recently found out the age of a man that I work with. He is 2 years younger than I am. I have been thinking he was about 7 or 8 years older!!! August 15 The Butterfly GirlTHE BUTTERFLY GIRL
As a child she romped on little caterpillar feet Such a well behaved child the people would always greet
Then suddenly one day without warning Terrible, mystifying disarray as the changes occur
Transformation………… Wings suddenly sprouting With unaccustomed sensation in places before unnoticed
Assaulted by caressing eyes and fleeting fingers Everyone tries for the prize even those most trusted
No longer sure of what is right She attempts to fly away But new wings and unsure flight cause great despair
The sole escape that afternoon the only way she knew To spin herself in another cocoon Beauty wrapped in safety
It’s said she is still there today although one day she may reappear If she can still find the way if she even wants to August 12 It's FridayWell, it is finally Friday and I am so happy about that. Tomorrow The Big Dill and I are going to get up early and go check out some local farmers markets. It's a good time of year for them. And the we are going to visit a co op that I have discovered. It's really not that far from where we live and I am hoping that if it's nice and we join it would help us with our ever climbing food bill. This trying to eat healthy can really get expensive but I really feel it wil be so much better for us. I have not been able to afford to buy everything organic yet I would like to. Maybe joining this co op will help.
Things are better with Wandie, it is so much easier to deal with her when I am not staying in the same house with her. Still a little worried about Trucker Man. He is just not taking in enough nurishment. He has lost 70 lbs, good thing he was about 50lbs over weight to begin with. Doctor says no more, he needs to take in more calories. We still have a few weeks to go before they do the scan to see the conditioner of the tumor. I am praying the chemo and radiation have taken care of it.
Thank you for trying to help my with my pictures Ruthie. I am going to give that a try this week-end. |
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